Donkey Boners & Other Debauchery

Monday, July 18, 2005

I Am The Wizard of Ohh's and Ahh's and Fa-la-la's (no homo)

I won't make any excuses for my lack of posting. Instead, I will dive right into it. (nhjic)

Two new favorite restaurants in The D. Fireside Pies & Manny's. Delicious food, Delicious drinks.

While at Manny's during a recent "men's dinner" who did we see? That's right, Keyshawn.Was he wearing a real tight suit? No, rather he was wearing a throw-back George Gervin jersey -- sans undershirt. Is there anything less appealing than trying to eat Mexican food and being stunk out by Keyshawn's nasty ass BO? No sir.

Like most summers, I have attempted to get back into golf. I was lucky enough to recently play at the esteemed The Cowboy's Club. Even though it sounds like a stripper joint, I assure you it isn't. Best course in Dallas. Respect.

This is called a segway. Speaking of The Cowboys, does anyone listen to ESPN 103.3 during GAC? For some reason I am totally attracted to the Little Ball Of Hate's voice (Jennifer Floyd Engel). I made the mistake of looking up her picture on the internet. Don't judge a book by it's cover? Try, don't judge hottness by the sound of a voice.

Chicks dig the long ball (no homo). Some might say I am considered a "heavy user" when it comes to watching baseball. Is it just me, or is anyone else ready to give up on the Rangers already? After watching 45+ games this season, I have realized that so long as Hicks is 'the boss' - we are never going to win. I guess I can start looking forward to the NHL season. Wait..

While on the subject of baseball. Has there ever been a more annoying commentator than Chris "the boomer" (homo) Berman. Christ almighty, I was watching the Home-Run Derby last week and I got sick of listening to "back back back back back back back" when any ball was hit. On top of that, how annoying was it that anytime someone went yard he would say "Hello (insert Michigan city here)". Seriously. Worst. Ever.

I have heard enough of Tom Cruise lately to last me a lifetime. Fucking Hell.

New Death Cab For Cutie song (via Stereogum).Tasty.

Why is it that every time I go to the workout facilities at The Villas, the WB is on the TV? Who the hell watches One Tree Hill when they are working out? Seriously, if that is you turning that on, please stop. Really. Please stop.

So I went to the cafeteria of this client that I am working on Today, and I bought a Diet Coke. This chick rotten whore at the cash register gives me a $.50 piece as change. I was so stunned I couldn't even say anything. Hey babe, next time why don't you just fire me a Susan B. Anthony.

Splitting a fifth of crown before going to the bars. Some might say a completely under-rated way to getting completely shitcanned.

Finally saw Kill Bill Vol 2 on Saturday. Quentin Tarantino is amazing. (nhjic)

Have I mentioned how much I love The Grooming Room? If you aren't going there yet, you should reconsider.

I was floored the other day at work when I received an email from a co-worker who seriously wrote me a 10 paragraph (completely unnecessary) email about how the latest Coldplay CD is the greatest CD since August and Everything After. Now, I like Coldplay just as much as the next guy, but can you seriously rank this CD that high this soon? The CD is alright, but lets not get carried away here.

Getting Saturn Rockets shot at you - some might say the worst way to spend the 4th of July. That being said, sometimes you just have to ride it out.

Let me just preface this paragraph with a huge no homo. I must admit, I love the show Laguna Beach. I pine for LO and Kristen. I might even buy the 1st season on DVD. On top of that, I look forward to Season 2. I know everyone who is going to call me a fag-bar has obvs never seen the show. Fuck off.

While Laguna Beach is a quality MTV show, The 70's House is seriously the worst show they have ever come up with.

I must confess. I have reverted back to my childhood and become obsessed with popsicles again. Nothing sobers you up after a long night at the bar faster than an Original Bomb Pop.

While some people get depressed when they do not take broads home from the bar (read: Pricecube), I get depressed when D'wayne from the Whataburger drive-thru does not take my order at 2:15am on Friday's or Saturday's.

Idle Rich Pub - home of the prudest sluts in Dallas.

Pineapple drenched in Tu-Ah-Cah (see: Brunson Pronunciation) - not a delectable dessert.

In hindsight, I probably should have gone to the wedding.

Done and Done.


-JM

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