Donkey Boners & Other Debauchery

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

"I'm Naaaaaaationwide"



Straight from the lips of ZZ top (if you can find them hidden in that facial bird's nest). Seriously...huge thanks to Uncle Grambo (www.whatevs.org stizz) for all of the helpful input/advice/recognition recently. Like Sacajawea to Lewis and Clark, you have navigated us through this dense forest known as the blog-o-sphere. We owe you, godfather. RESPEC'!

So much hott dripping out of my orifices.

Okay, i'll admit it...i'm a Real World fan. I have no qualms about sitting and watching a whole marathon on a Sunday afternoon while avoiding the books. But it was bound to happen...they have run out of cool cities in America to host the show. Come on...Philadelphia? I know they have professional sports teams and all, but this year's cast is getting screwed.

Ipods...I'm over them. Who really wants to carry around a large, white rectangle with white headphones anyway? Check out the new Sony Network Walkman. Real clean.

Did any of you catch the GOP convention last night? So titties. Ahhhnold was in straight Commando form. You just knew he was going to throw out all sorts of one-liners from previous movies. My fav: "Stop being economic GIRLY-MEN." Partisanship aside, you have to love him for what he's worth (awesome jokes!). I must admit, though, I was expecting a larger range of previous movie quotes (commando, kindergarten cop, BATMAN 3!!!) Left me somewhat unsatisfied. Bush Twins: One is smart and classy, and the other one is Jenna. But for real, I'd love to party with her sometime. The Austin rumor mill has filled me with super fantasies over the past 4 years.

So long Kilby...you will be missed tremendously.

What is this world coming to when "NOW MUSIC 16" replaces Ashlee Simpson (so hot, yet so no-talent ass clown) as the number 1 selling album in music this week. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Doesn't everyone in the world own an effing CD burner by now?! Seriously...I think they give that shit away in cereal boxes.

I have been watching the Texas Rangers religiously since I was a wee lad, and for once I thought we had a shot at making the playoffs this year. Looks like my hopes are dwindling as the game count grows fewer. Problems sound hauntingly familiar: Best-in-league offense meets underachieving pitching. Chan Ho Park...some say worst deal to hit Dallas since Shawn "The Praying Mantis" Bradley. EFFFFFFFFFFF!

"Which A-Rod would you rather be: Alex Rodriguez or Andy Roddick?" Interesting question posed by Sportscenter this morning. Do you mean pre or post Mandy Moore breakup, because I would totally live life Groundhog Day stizz if it's pre. (obvs)

The administration at Texas Tech out in Lubbock, Tx must be beside themselves after learning that Bobby Knight may have a deal in the works for a sitcom based on his life. Although they do say any publicity is good publicity. Pretty skeptical...I'll be checking it out, regardless.

Carly Patterson...is it just me or is she kind of a camera hog?

Tara Reid is the new ______ (insert trashy, burnt out young female B-list celebrity here).


Picked up the new Drive By Truckers cd yesterday (The Dirty South). So best. Already owning Decoration Day and Southern Rock Opera, my anticipation was met with much delight after the first listen. Can't wait to listen again.

You know how you always hear about kids with weird-ass names penned by their parents. And I'm not talking Apple or KoKo. For instance, one time I heard a story of a friend of a friend of a friend (you know how that goes) who's name was Oranjello...supposedly concocted from Cosby's favorite snack. (orange + Jello). Crazy. Anyway...today at my place of work (medical in origin), this woman brings her daughter in. Her name: Toshiba! Are you fucking kidding me?! Who would do that to their kid?! Way to be original mom. For the love. Now your kid is going to have a complex by the age of 13. I would be changing that shit, pronto.

And finally, for weeks I have had friends trying to convince me to jump on the deodorant body spray bandwagon. I finally caved in and purchased a can of the Old Spice "Red Zone" spray, because the AXE effect wasn't doing it for me (seriously...they all smelled bad to me). I must say...I am somewhat pleased...I wear scrubs all day, and this is the perfect solution to smelling fresh without me having to waste my slightly more expensive cologne (does Aquavelva count?).

Alright...I'm off to the ole Kroger, because I just received their flyer in the mail, and they have avacados 4 for $1. Eat that shit like apples. I apologize for the late buzz, but school and work kept me at bay all afternoon.

Until next time....

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