Donkey Boners & Other Debauchery

Friday, September 24, 2004

I love Scoooootch! I love Gooooooold!

sooooooo soft!


A little PHC teaser before the weekend of weekends. The Murph is re-uniting with Jagermonster in the D (uptown stizz) for one epic, green bottle blasting, SP Mode Spying, Alcoholic Robot Imitating, HURRICANE MUTHAFUCKIN DONKEYBONER WEEKEND!!! Get the street sweepers out, for my liver cries tonight. SWAMPTHING!Birthday celebrations for Kelly and Erin...where else but THE LOON! Vodka Tonics...4 fingers high vodka, splash of sprite, 1 quarter lime, 3 ice cubes, little black straw. MARVELOUS. Three dollars you say? In Dallas? Get out of town. Predictions: Fire-Hydrant style Vomits, 3 empty bottles of jager, tennis on saturday (proceeded by vahmit), Venus gets out of control, Scotty Dub pees on the futon, Swampthing comes up for air and makes another appearance. Tees will be bovs'd upon.




A proverbial land missile? Nope...just some dude doing 205 ON A FUCKING CROTCH-ROCKET! I used to have a friend with a street bike. His name was douchebag.

Worst way to die....fire? suffocation? G-DUBS? Nope...this guy has got you beat.

David Koresh...you figure he's stealing money from his followers, stockpiles some cash, and decides he needs a decent ride to cruise around Waco and pick up some young central Texas skirts. What better car to cruise some talent with than a 1968 Chevy Camaro - 427 cu.in. block and 500 donkeypower, Gone In Sixty Seconds stizz (sans DSL Angelina Jolie). Totally matches the mullet and aviators. Miraculously (no pun intended), the car managed to escape the blaze unscathed (barring a few minor TANK scratches), and is now being auctioned off on EBAY. Charlie Murphy will ride $20 as far as it will go.

Oprah = Scam Artist. (robvs)
First of all, the cars Okrah gave away last week were not in fact bought by her.Say Girl!
They were donated by Pontiac, and she played it off as if she bought the damn things herself. What a fraud. And if Oprah were a true philanthropist, she would cover the whopping $7,000 per car in tax costs each studio member will accrue if they accept the shitwagon. I guess my marketing professor was right when he said, "There's no such thing as a free lunch."


And with that, I'm northbound 45, left on Hall, straight into the arms of my favorite girls (Yerby, Stinie, and Erin, NATCH!). Thanks in advance for babysitting me all weekend. See you at Whataburger, 4 am sharp! schmears!

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