Donkey Boners & Other Debauchery

Friday, October 08, 2004


"I woke up confused" - quote of the week, hands down.

I appologize for the lack of posts in the past week - and by lack of posts, I really mean 0. I have been busy at work amongst other things - schmears. The week in review - list stizz.

9:15pm departure from Dallas to College Station (aka Federline City)

6 shots/4 beers upon arrival - $24

While passing out watching Mean Girls - I overheard "sooo I was hanging out with this guy for an hour and a half - than he ditched me for someone thinner" - hilarity ensued.

"I need Hair Products"

Some of my friends are married - no names dropped.

"I think she is hott" - "What are you talking about - she looks like a Cabbage Patch Kid"

Jager for lunch

"He's the eff'ing Jesus Christ of blogs"

"I hope I throw up tonight" - chanted at 1:10pm

"That's definately sans panties"

"You remember that time you threw up and than took a shot to keep your buzz?"

Turning into Doc Holiday at 1:10am at Corner Bar - pale, sweating profusely, sipping water

"Why can't we hang out more often?" - "because I use more hair products than you"

"Jamie - don't pull over for gas yet, I have to finish this cigarette"

"Don't put more than $5 in gas, I need to drink tonight" - than after putting $10 in gas, "come on, that was a full jager-bomb you wasted"

"I'm going to Fitzwilly's to sober up"

I am going to bake you in my dutch oven tonight.

NY Subs now serves liverwurst around 12:30am

Michael Jackson in College Station - wurst and best moment evs.

"My neck herpes are flaring up - it is embarrassing"

13 missed calls the next morning.

Sandy Jamison & Nancy Drew

Buzzzzzzzz: Real Quick

Sad - yet probably true!

Elin Nordegren definately worth $1.5 million. Dripping with hottness....

Tip: Don't do ciggaweed when you have to take a drug test - otherwise you will drop $160 on a tacklebox of products such as "weed shampoo" and "pills" (via ___________)

Gonna be a huge weekend kids. Texas/OU - Happy Hours - and of course tee's to be bfobvs'd upon.

I am one passing CPA score away from this!

Don't even ask where I am - to much jelly.

-Stay bobvs.

Missing In Action starring Chuck Norris Murphy

"How many times can I say I'm sorry" The borrowed words from Phil Collins burn like fire in my craw. Schmears...Friends Of The Boner...I have been bad. Please take into account that this sorry sack is still in graduate school (for 9 more weeks...counting the days) and must sometimes sacrifice the BlogLife for studying. So Durst. Duhvs.

Enough Said.

Don't think I haven't been keeping my eye out for some PHC while I've been tucked away in my Fortress of Solitude (aka the Medical Sciences the place to throw a Deuce on campus EVS.)

How about one for the 'stache?
Speaking of Deuce (and I'm not talking tennis), the only thing worse than having to take a steamer at work is having to read the instructions on the tampon boxes while doing so. Could have gone without the graphic details. You should see our office bathroom. At least 10 boxes of an assortment of tampons, pads, wipes (gross), etc. Honestly...we could keep a small gas station supplied for at least a month. Geez.

Big props to Sarah for getting me a t-shirt from the Brenham, Texas demolition derby last weekend. So overdone thrift original. Still...the t-shirt looks tight, and at least it doesn't say Abercrombie or American Eagle on it. I many of you can say you have a t-shirt from a real demolition derby that your co-worker's boyfriend actually raced in and won $300? I'm not even kidding. 72' Impala is the way to go aparently.

Nothing makes Charlie Murphy madder than a wet hen like a bad haircut. I went to _____ (insert shitty cheap, quick, generic walk-in haircut place here) this past week and once again proved to myself that you can't get a decent haircut for less than 20. Seriously considering Toni & Guy for my next shearing. I'm not scurred. Note to self: look into purchase of Flowbee. I can't wait to get to Dallas so GoogleCV can cut the wild animal growing on my head for free (or a six pack in trade).

Today I was taking a study break and flipped to MTV (Music Tele Vurst), and stumbled across an episode of Room Raiders. Sooooo not Elimidate. First of all...2 of the three guy contestants were "aspiring actors" - and this episode was filmed in New Jersey. Unless you are a third cousin of Jon Bon Jovi, you might as well flush that pipedream. Bad accent + Fugly = Casino worker for life, Atlantic City stizz. And one of the dudes was trying to act all hard...despite the fact that he still lived with his grandparents. And the girl found a used condom in his trash can. Could you have sex no less than 20 feet from your grandparents' bedroom? That's too much.
Don't Redline!

Un-nerving pick up line: "I love alcohol breath."

Last night, I had a dream that I was playing Excite Bike. Best start to a morning in weeks. (I was desigining my own track!) I bought a few Metallica cd's as a youngster...who didn't (don't lie). Obvs they started their downward spiral with the Black album, and have continued a wreckless inner-trajectory leading to...well...this clip says it all. First...Behind The Music. Next...Jane Pauley???

Brit-Brit has been frivolously writing the past couple of days, working on her Graduate School Thesis quality "Letter of Truth: Can you handle it?" First of all, you are dumber than two sticks. Your professor would straight flunk your ass just for that shitty title. Spears Federtramp started writing the letter shortly after watching the Broadway play Wicked. "It was the most amazing play. It was real life-changing for me," says Spears. Yeah...I got the same feeling after watching Cats. Still working on my essay though. Best quote EVS: "I feel like I am at Harvard!" Priceless!!!

On a better musical note, Mick Jagger is back to writing music, just completing some work with Eurythmics frontman Dave Steward for the upcoming film Alfie. Also in the works are songs for their upcoming studio album, which begins recording in November. HUGE.

Camp Cupcake. Sounds like a regular Chino. And you know the women were doing cartwheels the day they found out she was headed to their very own home away from home. Free lessons in home-making from the wizard...who wouldn't be amped? it's a little ironic for the lifers...but a girl can dream!

Guns are for amateurs.

It's almost Halloween, and if you're looking to rock a bitchin' wig, look no further.

Did anyone catch Rilo Kiley's "Bad News" performance Wed. night on Conan? Hott. Still haven't completely formed an opinion of "More Adventurous", more listens to be followed by an official opinion.

If you haven't seen the independent movie Super Size Me (see the sidebar), rent it this weekend. Seriously makes me consider becoming a vegetarian. I know one thing...I will never put another Chicken McNugget in my mouth again (or pretty much anything else from there for that matter). Puts the whole Obesity Epidemic into perspective. It will give you a serious reality check and make you want to change your dietary habits. At least until 4 am when Whataburger comes a calling.

And with that, I'm Audi 5000. Working on some possible Dallas plans this weekend...Uncle Grambo (of Whatevs fame) is in town, I would be durst to miss a tri-fecta of PHC bliss. You never know.

Don't change.