Donkey Boners & Other Debauchery

Tuesday, October 12, 2004


Geez...what a worthless weekend consisting of football, red wine mustaches (Yerby stizz), and study hall. Can't really complain about the relaxation, though. schmears.

I have seen some rediculous inventions in my day, but The Boyfriend Pillow (above) might take the cake. No word yet as to whether or not a man's version is in the works. Oh wait...that's right. We don't want you even touching us when we're trying to fall asleep (unless you're feeling frisky).
I Pitty Da Fool!

BUZZ!!! An A-Team movie is in the works!!! (cue theme flips over, grenade explodes sending men 20 feet in the air, shots fire...yet no one gets killed?!) So Best!

Sean Penn pre 1990....badass (a la Fast Times). Sean Penn post Carlito's durst. Let me get you a tampon and a tissue, you sissy. Team America is a comedy. A satire. Not Serious. Do us all a favor...move to Iraq and race camels.

A few weeks ago, a dog (obviously drowned on purpose) washed ashore on a beach north of Boston. Somehow the story got big and Matthew Perry has donated money towards a reward in hopes of finding the perp. An act of kindness, or shameless promotion of your name? I mean, everyone loves dogs...but why donate money to this particular cause? Dogs are killed every day. I don't see you doing anything about those. Hurting for work? Fobvs.

I hope Michael Jackson sues the shit out of Eminem...not because I am against making fun of Jacko (Lord no!), but because Eminem is the biggest DOUCHE on the planet. Someone needs to bring that guy down. How did he ever receive so much acclaim? Bye the way...the new song is terrible. And don't think for a minute that he is writing that music. If it weren't for Dre, he'd be Vanilla Ice part deux already. Some say worst ass-puppet evs.

"I'm trying to get my butt perky. I have a white-girl bootie, so I'm doing all my squats to get some junk in my trunk." — Jessica Simpson. JEEZ. I'm talking the Kitchen Sink in those Daisy Dukes for your upcoming Dukes movie. Sure is a lot of buzz with regards to she and Nick's marital troubles lately. Whispers of a possible split sometime soon? Developing...

Marilyn Manson is set to play the Queen of Hearts in the new adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. Creepy.

For all of you CPGayers, that should be enough to distract you for at least 10 minutes. I'm off to start making arrangements for the annual ski trip this winter. huge.

Don't change.