Donkey Boners & Other Debauchery

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Flaaava Flaaaaaaave!

Big weekend coming up. The Murph has an interview at Baylor College of Dentistry all day Friday. Is it ironic to say I hope to be studying for 4 more years of my life?

Next on the list is finding a place to hang my hat for the next 6 months. Uptown and Knox Henderson best. I have some decent stories to unravel from the past week. Start it off with last Thursday. Greeeeeeeeg calls me early afternoon and demands my presence at his house...huge night lined up. Guest of honor? M.J. from Music Tele-Vurst's The Real World. Apparently the guy is giving a speech on diversity at the university's Diversity Symposium that night. Greg's roommates are both involved in student government, and attend the event, natch. We convince them to invite The Curly out with us for the night. Phone calls are made. 10 minutes later, the dude is chilling with Me, Greg, Jack, and Woei in their living room. We are in the middle of The Big Lebowski...drinking caucasians (obvs). He joins in, we go through a whole bottle of vodkie, fake kalua, and creamer. Proceed to the Keystone. Feeling good...we head to Northgate. Geez. 5 minutes after we get a chugger at New York Subs, people start recognizing him. Mobbing ensues. Schmears...huge crowd follows us around for the rest of the night. Perks of being an overnight celebrity: Free drinks (and by drinks I mean at least 6 shots of Jager), no covers, women using you to get to him. After a while...the crowd gets old. Some people are rude. Some people are annoying as hell. I kind of feel bad for the guy. Huge mob everywhere you go. On the road every week. Living out of a suitcase. But let's be honest...the pros outweight any cons. The guy is basically getting paid to travel around the country and speak at these types of events. All expenses included. He said he has events booked up for a solid two years right now. On top of that he does endorsements. For example...he's getting paid next month to promote the new Sony Walkman. I won't disclose figures...but it's a good 5 figure sum to promote a product for 1 effing month. Note to self: start preparing Real World application video for next year.

Something legendary happened to me later on that night en route to Whataburger. I am driving my Jeep, Greg is shotgun, Woei in back seat. Before we can even make it to the stop sign at the end of Greg's street....Greg farts. Not just a regular fart. I have never smelled something so putrid in my entire life. So enveloping, in fact, I have to open my car door and vomit. 3 times. Have you ever heard of such a thing? You can't make that shit up, folks.

Ring Dunking last Saturday night. The 'Raig Brothers (Craig and Greg) both dunked their rings in 15 seconds. And I feel like a pussy at a good minute and 15 seconds. Seriously...I can't chug for shit.

Some TV stations across the nation are refusing to air "Saving Private Ryan", citing violence and profanity as reasons for the block. Stations are reluctant to show is since the FCC has taken such a strong stance since the Janet Jackson incident. I mean...seriously. This movie is not that bad. I remember watching Platoon air as a kid, which is just as violent. What is this world coming to when you can't watch a television edited version of Saving Private Ryan because stations are fearful of getting fined.

Did anyone see Jennifer Tilly on Leno last night? Geez...effing wasted. Someone needs to moderate the shot bar in the green room. Nice boobs though.

BEST NEWS EVS! Paul Reubens is in the process of making 2 new movies, one of which will be a new Pee-Wee Herman Movie. Speaking of...I never realized until recently that Cowboy Curtis was played by Lawrence Fishburn! Weird.

Can you tell which one is the real Britney? And for an interesting this

Alright bitches. That's enough PHC for one sitting. Wipe your mouth off and chase that shit with some water.