Donkey Boners & Other Debauchery

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Donkeyboner lives

squeeze me!

Back to the ole blogging board. Schmears. It's been a harrowing past few weeks, but I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Or is that just my glow worm?

Today is election day...and I've decided to keep the tele off all day, and wake up in the morning with a surprise. this point...I'm tired of the bullshit commercials, fake stories, uberliberal media, etc. I need a break. So what did I rent to pass the time tonight? The Passion of Christ. Yep. Haven't seen it. Haven't been to church in a while. Jesus is my homeboy. Seriously.

Today is November 2, which means I have exactly 39 days left in prison College Station. And after losing the Battle of the Brazos this past weekend, I'm not too sure it can come any sooner.

This morning my partner at work couldn't wait to show me her new tattoo of some flowers (looked like hibiscus) on her outer calf. She proceeded to tell me that she won a gift certificate to a tattoo parlor last weekend at the local demolition derby contest. Which only further proves my point that fat, white, female hicks love tattoos. It's her 4th one. The one on her back used to be a lizard...but she grew a bit...and now it looks as if it were done by Picasso.'s = worst idea evs.

One of the most uncomfortable moments shared between two men: getting fitted for a suit. Don't they have a machine that can do that shit yet?

Well...apparently ol' Ben Affleck needs someone to pin his recent series of unfortunate events on. Lord knows any man in his right mind would never make such terrible decisions in his own right. I don't even know how Kevin Smith stuck with this guy for so long in the first place. Hey us all a favor and take you and your hair plugs out of Hollywood for life.

Supposedly Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrel are in talks with producer Michael Mann to shoot a new Miami Vice movie. Speed boats, pink shirts, white shoes, Flock of titties.

Jeffery Jones, the actor who played Mr. Rooney on Ferris Bueller's Day Off, will be doing some time for playing too much late-night-sneaky-uncle with a teenage boy. Made the dude dress up as a cowboy, sailor, indian (insert random village people garb here), and took pics of the kid touching himself. What a creep. Lock the dude up in Chino. "8 year olds, dude. 8 year olds."

Lucian Freud, grandson of Sigmund Freud, has painted a nude portrait of a pregnant Kate Moss. The auction is anticipated to bring in over 3 million dollars. See painting below.

And with that I'm off to go pick up my suit from the tailor. No funny business this time, I hope.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Look Sharp - Live Smart


Helllllo Loves.

Have you missed us? I have missed you guys - for rilz. But don't you worry - Charlie Murphy and I are back - back again - tell a friend!

Holy Hell - alot has happened since I last posted - it's eff'in embarrasing how much PHC has come across 'my desk' - and yet I was still to busy to post. Fear not - this will be the hour of hate - and by hate, I mean I love. I promise to give up my day job - and blog full time - siiiiike.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better - they released the
Dvd. Obsess Completely over the OC Box set yo's! By far some of the best $44's I have spent in awhile. 27 episodes of hottness.

If you are ever at best buy - do not be tempted to waste a single penny on
this. Wurst evs. Gabe "the artist" and myself tried to watch it, unsuccessfully. I like how the rating includes "not for childern". It should be changed to "not for any human being". This could by far be the worst low budget, soft core, 90's stizz porno ever. While the dvd menu has boobs on it (which is promising) - the plot and movie in general are MISERABLE. For christ sake - the 1st chapter is titled "Stroke Techniques". What the hell was I thinking - $5.09 yo.

While vacationing in California (heeeere we cooommmmeeee) last week, and by vacationing I mean slaving from Eight-to-Ate, I did visit the best burger joint evs.
In-n-Out burger - so best. If you are ever in Cali - this is a must. Some might say that Whataburger just got 'out whataburgered'.

Speaking of lard - have you seen
Super Size Me? The movie is just flat out awesome. Schmears. What an incredible idea - to partake in gluttonous activities for 30 straight days - this reminds me of something - oh yes! my life. Do yourself a favor - rent the movie - you won't be able to order that Double Quarter Pounder meal, super sized, with a diet coke anymore. But seriously it is a great flick with a great message - quit eating shit everyday!

I know that I am totally bricking on this - go buy the October's
GQ. Lohan - so - best - evs - jeez.

Red Sox Nation. and eff you - I am not bandwagon.

I have to admit - I am not very fired up about the
Mavs roster this year. Don't tell this to Cuban or it might ruin my chances of being the next contestant on the benefactor - which turned out to be horrible bee-tee-dubs. Regardless - the season opener is tomorrow night - and I promise to keep an open mind - even though we still employ the 'praying mantis'. But seriously - how can you not like someone named Tariq Abdul-Wahad??

This is the sweetest sin? Horrible move by Dick Legay -
reports have surfaced from two very reliable sources that the newlywed star got horizontal with a porn star. Classic boy band shit - you are married to a hot (yet fuckin dumb) wife and you are out at parties banging washed up skanks. While I like 'lesbian shows' just as much as the next guy - I don't know if I would jeopardize my marriage to Boobs Magee.

It's soothing - Its sensual - and it almost ends with a happy ending. No I am not talking about 24th b-day parties at the
SC restuarant. I am talking about the awesome haircut/wash that I got yesterday. Definately worth my $12.95. I bleed for Tea Tree.

Is there anything wurse than
this? Totally humiliated and embarrased. I have no justification - nor will I try. For once I am totally out of words....

Ipod - just keeps getting
bedda and bedda.

I hope on Wednesday after G-Dubs wins (eff you John Heinz Kerry) he exports this
eff'in idiot. Give me a break - your 48 seconds of fame are over Billy Ripken . (i.e. Michael "fat azz" Moore)

Must have been a slow day for Drudge. This article was seriously posted.

Call me crazy - but I see a
second Rap war (Biggie Biggie Biggie stizz) about to erupt. Watch out Jay - you might get peed on.

Do not delete us from your 'favorites' list (you know who you are....) - we are baaaaaaack!