Two Burritos and a Stool Softener...

...a recipe for true love...just ask Scotty Dubs. Just so long as it doesn't mess up his JNCO Chinos. So Best.

Mardi Gras...Dallas Stizz. Charlie Murphy, Craaaaiiiiiiig, DJ Ketter, The Goldapp, GoogleCV, Spaghetti, Booty Lee Fonzworth, and others ended the pub crawl (Hurricane's, followed by The Dubliner, followed by Stan's Blue Note) last night at the Lakewood Bar & Grille for some late-night karaoke. The star studded list of performers included, but were not limited to, Carlton (as pictured with Tito Jackson's hair, singing "Return of the Mac"...complete with lyrics) Rick Moranis sporting the "Men's Warehouse Special" suit (via ketter), an 80 year old lady singing Daddy was a Coal Miner (she brought her own cd), Bob singing his best Bobby Darin, and some dude named Vance singing Tool's "Schism"...which by the way is the worst possible choice for karaoke in a crowded bar EVS...followed by an inappropriate Jesus joke...totally killed the mood...for about 5 seconds.

I almost freaking blew a gasket today when I found out I was only getting half the Income Tax Rape Refund I was expecting. Seriously...I guess I won't be buying that sweet Huffy Sledgehammer after all.
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
-Albert Einstein

"I have a left mammary"
-Charlie Murphy with left breast pocket inside out, post Maredsous Massacre

Well aparently Corey Feldman (of Stand By Me and The Surreal Life fame) was coming up on the losing end of a few games of Late Night Sneaky Uncle with his overgrown pal Michael Jackson. Based upon past experiences, he has recently come to a "sickening realization" about his childhood relationship with the crotch grabber. He must have succumbed to the Boone's Party Coke like the rest of the kids.

You know how beer manufacturers (specifically imports) each have their own special little glass with ensignia adorned on the front (many of which comprise C-Murph's own drinking glass collection). Hoegaarden with the large, thick glass. Grolsch - slightly taller and skinny. Guiness...skinny at the bottom with a bulbous top. I'm going to write a letter to the brewer's of one of my favorite bevy's, jet-fuelMaredsous, to reconsider the almost wine goblet styled "Cup of Christ" glass with gold trim they distribute to bars for serving. I feel like such a choach drinking from that rediculously viking-esque chalice. What ever happened to the simple pint glass? Get over yourselves.

Speaking of, the last time I spent an evening on the Maredsous I woke up with my shirt on inside out and backwards...4 hours after making/eating a scrambled egg sandwich which was not nearly as satisfying as a Whataburger tacquito. I don't know what it is about that place...but I'll be damned if I can't make a fucking tacquito taste like theirs. And I even tried extra butter last time.

According to Us Weekly, Lindsey Lohan has been spending some quality time with Johnny Knoxville while they're both in New Orleans shooting their respective movies. I mean...Knoxville is tight and all...but dating material? Aren't you the little rebel. Keep up the good work and write me as soon as you make it into the Tara Reid Club.

And in the best bit if entertainment news I've heard all week, the Desperate Housewives Season 1 dvd will include all of the racy bits which didn't make it past the editing room at ABC. So Hott.

Best Super Bowl commercial this year. My favorite: Mama's Boy. "Breast fed until the age of 7." Classic.

I'm giving up fried food for lent. If you run into me on the street and I'm cranky, you'll know why.

Happy Thursday.

Tomorrow is Friday.

Tacquitos don't count as fried food. Yesssssssssssssss!

Don't Change.

It's all about the "O"

Is it just me, or does that girl on the Overstock.com commercial get your cobblers in a tizz? I mean...the all white tennis outfit with her hair in pig-tails? Or how about when she says, "I promise....99% of the time" with the little toss of the hair and the Iwanttoeffyourbrainsout eyes? Even though the auction site doesn't stand a snowball's chance vs. ebay, aces to the men who hired that marketing team.

And while we're on commercials...I'd rather sit on a porcupine than watch another Jamster Cell Phone Ring-tones commercial. Do they really think people want a ring-tone with a shitty imitation of "I like big butts" on their phone? Much less pay 5 bones for it? And I think instead of "I like big butts" it says "I like ring tones and I cannot lie". And then there's the one with the blue rhino rapping, and some yellow bird singing. If I ever see you answer your phone to one of those shitty ass ring tones on the street, your cell phone is finished.


Campisi's in Dallas has been serving up some of the area's best pizzas for years. But I don't know that I've ever seen a Campisi's pie that looked quite this good. (NSFW) Wow.


Four employees of a Michigan based health care company have been fired for refusing to take a test to determine whether they smoke cigarettes. Apparently you will be made redundant if you are caught blazing some chalkies "even if the smoking happens after business hours or at home." Surely this is illegal. I can understand banning cigarettes in the workplace...but testing for cigarette smoking? Better start letting your roommate wring his sock out in your stadium pal and wear that shit at work. NO BUZZ.

I'm sure by now everyone has heard about the man who pissed his way out of an avalanche last week. So tits. Next time I hit the double blacks I'll be sure to carry a pony keg in my pack.

I know you are bored at work, so watch this dude beat Super Mario Bros. 3 in eleven minutes. Un-Fucking-Believable. Brings back memories. *tear*

Top 10 signs you weren't the most popular guy at your high school....by Napoleon Dynamite. So Best. "Everyone's jealous of your teatherball skills"

If you live in Dallas, you might remember Mark Mathis...he was a weatherman for the Fox affiliate here for a short time. Anyway...the dude was fired for being an alkie and always goofing off on camera. And by goofing off I mean rapping. Weather rapping. Painful. Take a look. This is a compilation of his best work from past gigs.

I'm getting my Jeep worked on today. Let's hope the son of a bitch doesn't cost more in repairs than the blue book value. (I'll keep you updated)

I'm out. Don't change.